🔗 Share this article Balancing the Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin to date any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men once more. Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they appear demanding, often resulting in lots of pain and jealousy among all parties. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, but I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel somewhat confused. Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you might meet someone who provides a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring what you want completely … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist focusing on addressing sexual disorders.