The Advice from My Father That Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of being a father.

But the reality rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct words "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to communicate amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to take a pause - taking a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "poor actions" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their pain, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."